Friday, February 19, 2010

My Life....Falling Apart As I Know It!

Well it has been forever since I've wrote in this thing :)
I've been extremely busy with school and other things that have come into my life since December. 

Where to begin? My life has been anything but happy these days. I'm not sure exactly where to start or why this is going on? 
First let me start with school. I have two maybe one semester left and I'm happy that the end is almost near. I've been going to school my whole life and it is time to finally be done with it. On the other hand I don't really like my major and my classes this semester suck. This means I'm always in a bad mood and wishing I was doing photography instead. I know once I'm done with school I can pursue my passion and do photography. I can't wait it's going to be awesome. 

My dream for this summer is to go to NYC and live there for three months while doing a internship. I spoke to my parents about it and they were okay with it. After about 3 months they decided it wouldn't be a good idea if I went. Well why???? I got my cousin to find me a internship with a photographer he knows and it didn't pan out very well. Still keeping some faith that it will work out. If not looks like I will have to be here in the summer and take classes in the summer. LAME! I'm just so mad about it and I haven't told my parent yet b/c I'm worried that they will be happy instead of sad b/c I'm not going. I just need to keep praying that it will work out and I can go to NYC. I think even if I don't get to go I'm still gonna go to NYC for a month.

Next subject is my friends. WOW just WOW. Some people I can't even tell you..they need to be hit in the head with a bat. I just don't get it. I have 3 good friends that I love dearly, but I'm starting to think that maybe its that time again to re-think the friends situation. 

Here's the story: I have this friend that I go to school with and she's one of my closest friends here in FL. I talk to her about many things and trust her with many things. She has done the same vice versa. First of all she's a cancer patient and survived cancer. Now that she's in remission she has a lot of pain and I feel that sometimes she needs to do things to make it not be as bad. She doesn't help herself in doing so therefore she's always in pain. Anyways, the whole point is I feel that she is not contributing in the friendship and she's using me. 
I told her about me not getting my internship and her exact words were...YAY now you can come to my wedding. I get that its a HUGE occasion in your life and all but she knew how excited I was to go and be away for a couple months. Not once did she say I'm sorry or you will get one no worries. I just think that's selfish on her part. I don't get why people act like that. Anytime she's in pain or hurting I always listen to her complain and cry. Why does she not meet my needs or when I'm down and feeling bad? I just don't get people sometimes. Another example is last week she was in pain again and I got her food and everything. No thank you or compensation what so ever. I'm just hating doing things for her and getting nothing in return. She always makes u excuses and broken promises. She can't be relied on EVER for anything. It sucks b/c she was the closet thing to a friend that I had here in Jacksonville. Maybe its me that I expect too much out of my friends? I know the three friends that don't live here in FL are always amazing to me and would do anything for me in return. I'm just not sure what it is about people not mixing well with me here in FL.
 That's the story about that why I've been upset.

There are also a lot of things going on with my parents and family that I will keep private in case someone should read this that shouldn't be reading it. If you are interested in reading about it please email me and I will be happy to tell you that long drawn out mess!
Thanks for reading and letting me vent. I'm praying things will get better, and I know God will watch and make sure that it does :)

Until later,

PS: Getting a new tattoo soon can't wait. I'll post pics once I do :)

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